Fadzly's Site

My Life, Love???

2009-08-11T10:55:00.003+08:00

My Life, Love??? 10/08/09
At last a post after so long, to a blog where rarely anyone visits....

Why cant I find someone to love and she will love me back in return. I am 27 this year, most of my friends are either married, engaged or already have someone in mind...

Why must I fall in love with XXX who loves me back but is in love with a YYY at the same time.

Is this my fate? To be sad always and see others happy. Why me? I suck in love, dating, courting, finding a gal and all... I hate it. What should I do now?

I keep giving people advice but when i need advice why cant I accept what other people tell me?? Is it because I already know will become of me? I will be alone, miserable while he and the gal live happily ever after. Do I have to believe in that or do I have to choose another path, that will lead me somewhere else?

I have work issues,friends issues, family issues, money issues.... Everyone in the world has these issues, I am no different, am I??? I dont think so...

Leaving is the hardest part.

No one I am comfortable with, is here to support me. For sure I am a man, but cant men be weak. Men must have Ego Blah Blah Blah.... Where is Mine?

The Gals I know so far, are either too far, have just gotten out of an engagement or not ready to be in a relationship yet or scared to be in one as she was scared from too many bad incidents or even are married but not happy with the marriage itself...

I have been to many websites, ask friends to recommend, cruising around but to no avail.. hmmmm....

Should I just give up or just carry on with what I am currntly doing now or do something else??? What EWLse should I do? hmmm.

I have told XXX what XXX needs to know. How i feel, but I not sure if its the reaction i expect from XXX. Seems to me XXX is always forgetting, which XXX admits to it, always tired from XXX work which may drag XXX late late-nights and early the next morning need to rush to work as sometimes XXX woke up late...

I love XXX because of XXX heart, XXX care for XXX family and XXX cuteness.... I am still in the dark about why XXX loves me......... Will i know one day???

I will put this in my blog, for those of you who know me and read this please don't get shocked... This is me....

Missing a Friend (15/05/2008)

2008-05-15T21:05:00.002+08:00

Missing a Friend (15/05/2008)

I am feeling so low ever since. Alot of things have been happening to me. met new friends, found a new job, current job getting more and more relaxing.

now this low feeling is the result of missing a friend. met a new friend not long ago. we chat, laugh and msn often. after awhile things got out of hand and now we chat less, and i get scolded more. even being too caring can be harmful to a friendship. i learnt that the hard way

i am so dumb, childish and stupid..

when will i grow up?

Fadz

Just A Few Days To The end Of tHe Year (29-12-2007)

2007-12-29T22:34:00.000+08:00

Just A Few Days To The end Of tHe Year (29-12-2007)

Allo to all who read this, today is just another day in my life. Only a few more days are left before 2008. to one and all i would like to wish a Happy New Year and best wishes for the coming years. May it be as good as this year or even better.

:)
Fadzly

MY Uni/Exgf Dream on 05/06/07

2007-06-06T13:03:00.000+08:00

MY Uni/Exgf Dream on 05/06/07
To Reader,
Last night I had one of the strangest dreams. I went to this University in Cairo I think with my ex gf. When we went there, we were suppose to go to the main auditorium hall lah. but before that we were suppose to put our bags in a closet in a particular room. we went into the room and was surprised to find the closet way was blocked by piles of books and papers. we asked the people in the room how are we going to get to the closet. he answered you have to climb on top of the piles of books and papers to reach it. without delay i and my ex gf took off our slippers and climbed onto the piles of books and papers to reach the closet. once there, we open the door, hung our bags inside and made our way back to the exit of the room. after we exit the room, we walked to the auditorium door. just before reaching the door, i accidently tripped my gf and she stumbled to regain balance. once she is stable back on the two feet she turned around and scolded me than she walked away from me in anger heading outside of the University and into the desert. i followed her and tried to explain to her it was an accident. she didnt listen and walked even faster while mumbling something. when i finally caught up with her, i grabbed her arm to stop her but she tripped over some stones on the ground and scratched her feet. the scratches at her feet were bleeding abit and she turned around and scolded me even more furiously this time. the shrugged me off and ran into the crowds. by this time i think it was after 8pm.. as i ran after her, i looked around at my surroundings, i realise i was walking through a cemetary. there were many small humps on the ground with tablets in each one of them. i think these were the graves of young kids. i thread carefully while saying excuse me when i pass each hump...... after that i woke up... pheeeew what a dream.... Fadzly

2007-04-01T21:13:00.000+08:00

1st April 2007,

As usual suppose to run but last minute the other party cancel due to last minute events on her side. sigh. what a boring sunday/weekend again. met new friends online and been chatting with them since yesterday. friends the more the merrier. i hope so. thanks to all who care

2007-03-27T22:08:00.000+08:00

27th MArch 2007,
MY HEART IS BROKEN AGAIN, INTO A ZILLION PIECES, BUT I AM NOT FEELING AS BAD AS BEFORE. I GUESS AM TAKING REJECTION BETTER THAN BEFORE. I WILL TRY MY VERY BEST TO GET OVER IT AGAIN.. THANKS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SUPPORTED ME ALL THIS WELL

BELIEVE IN ME,

TAKE CARE ALL.
FADZLY

A RelaxingSunday <11 feb 07>

2007-02-11T17:22:00.000+08:00

A RelaxingSunday <11feb07>

Olla to all.

Today is just a relaxing day for me.
Stay home, maybe go out buy some groceries later, thats all.
Actually planned to go for a run later but most of my friends say not free.
So maybe next week will go for a run.

plans... thats all i can do.
whether it goes as planned or not thats a different question.
must we have plan b all the time???
or just live with it when your 1st plan fail......

well overall it was a good week.
had ups and downs. some bad/good decisions
thanks to all who contacted me, chat with me and surprised me....

all the best to all..
:)

just another entry

2007-01-18T22:53:00.000+08:00

hi all ( or anyone)
just an entry to past the time

i fell in love and fell flat on my face. i did stuff that people say i crazy. i hurt people like nobodys business. i lost a friend because of my stupidity, selfishness, my ego and my self-centeredness....

why am i so 'swei'(unlucky)(jinxed)

i really hate myself, everything about myself i hate. from top to bottom all i hate. i have everything to hate and nothing to love. i fell in love and end up hating to love again. making mistakes is my habit. i hate making it but i always do. some mistakes are repeated.....

keep saying sorry when i wrong people. to me i know saying sorry means nothing. the mistake has been done. no turning back. you can only hope and pray they forgive u and forget about it and carry on with life.

i cant carry on with my life...

do u think ending of life will do any good???

is it just an excuse to escape from it all???

will anyone regret that they did not get to know me better???

will anyone cry for me???

will anyone even care to show up at my funeral or even remember who i am???

fadzly? who ar? dont remember leh...

would anyone give me a second or another chance to redeem myself????

all questions... no answers.... or are they meant to be unanswered.???

ONLY HE KNOWS........

Lost A Friend Because of MY Silly Mistakes (130107)

2007-01-13T23:05:00.000+08:00

Lost A Friend Because of MY Silly Mistakes (130107)

Today i had to apologize once again because of my selfish self centred mistakes.
How i wish i could turn back time so that i will try not to do the mistake and make things right again. i will try to learn from this and go on with my life again.

its so hard for me to go on. i really lost faith in love. i dont want to do it again.
falling for a girl is very very difficult for me. i am not sure how am i going to go about doing it again. i really hate myself. low self esteem is my worst enemy...

will i ever find the right ONE? i will try to be more quick to react when i like a girl. i hope

8/1/7 my saddest day lost faith in love

2007-01-09T23:31:00.000+08:00

today is the day i found out, the girl i like is starting to like someone else. what a disappointment. i kept in contact with her all this while and she never tell me. sms her didnt reply. called her didnt pick up. reason: busy with school, out with family, last minute outing with friends.... blah blah blah... all excuses. i really hate excuses. why must she say this to me
after i have told her i liked her more than a friend and she still avoid me and lie to me. i just wanted a chance to restart again with her. but she say no.
she still can say be friends only. after i told you i love u??? i dont think so. well this is really goodbye than. really hate this feeling but thats my life than i guess. goodbye. thanks for nothing and for making me lose faith in love

At Last A Blog! ( 30-10-06 )

2006-11-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

At Last A Blog! ( 30-10-06 )

This will by my first blog in awhile. I had always wanted to Blog but guess was either too busy or too tired. All excuses. I really am tired of excuses. I dont care whether the reasons are valid or not, it is still an excuse. Especially this one girl I knew. Everytime I ask her something thru sms, she will either reply late or never reply untill I ask her again than she will maybe reply. I really hate her for this. But I try to forgive and forget cause I kind of 'like' her. I guess people change. I am not afraid to say her name cause I know she will not have the time to come to my Blog or even go online. All excuses! Her name is xxx. Someone I knew from friendster whom I thought could be the one for me. But it was not meant to be. You can be busy, or tired or forgetfull but don't expect me to believe that you are busy, tired or even forgetfull 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. That's a bit impossible for me to believe. If you can be than I salute you. The last straw for me was when I asker her, thru sms if I said I loved her, what would her reply be. I sent her this message the night before. OK she was asleep at that time. I waited till the next morning when she woke up, which was around 6am+, for her reply. I didnt get any reply. So I decided to ask her again, but this time i said that she might be too busy or forgot to reply or still thinking about the question. She replied to this sms saying she is still thinking about it. Untill this present time and date I have not received her reply. The night after she replied she was thinking about it, I sms her telling her i am assuming the worse and she doesnt love me and said my goodbyes. Still No Reply! I was a bit mad that time, so I sent her another sms saying I hate her and I will not be contacting her anymore. And Still No Reply to Any of My SMS. Well fine than. I give up on her. Till this day I have not received any SMS from her, or message from anywhere or a call from her. Dont expect a call from me too. If you guys think I should call her and ask the reason, Sorry xxx. Guess you will be happier without me Goodbye xxx.

Just A Day ( 11-10-06 )

2006-10-11T22:49:00.000+08:00

Just A Day ( 11-10-06 )

Well today just a normal day, woke up, went to work, finished work and went back. On the way back saw things that I normally see everyday. And everyday I will feel the same thing. Couples holding hands while walking, Couples hugging each other on the escalator and more. I will start to think, thats nice huh? To have someone to be with, to hug, to hold. Than I will compare with My Life. Alone with Few friends and NONE close enough that i can Open Up to. Why is that? Am I thinking Too much? I think I am thinking too much. Thats All I do when I have nothing to do. Well nothing else lah

...........:(

Just Another Day (01-10-06)

2006-10-01T21:59:00.000+08:00

Well hi to all who visit my site,

Thanks for visiting my site. I usually have nothing much to update here except if something really good or bad happen on that day. Nowadays nothing much is happening in my life.

As now is the fasting month, i trying my best to not over exert myself in all I do. I dont play badminton on tuesdays, wednesdays or fridays like usual. Try to go back home as soon I finish work to break my fast. and try to get as much rest as I can. This is the first time I fast and I had to work at the same time. It was difficult at first but I think now I am getting the hang of it. work goes on as usual. Fasting doesnt mean I have to rest or sleep whole day. I still have to go to wor, work and then come home from work and do what I normally do everyday fasting or not. The only difference I feel during the fasting month is that i get more tired than if I am not fasting. Well I guess my body is almost used to it by now.

Well thats all for now. See ya when i see ya

My Bad DAy 14-09-06

2006-09-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

My Bad DAy 14-09-06
I really had a bad day today, Suppose to meet xxx after work, was really physiqued up to meet her after a long time since i last saw here. at around 530pm she asked me where i am so i replied i still at work. she replied "still have go ou?".
then she asked me whether is it ok if a friend of her come along. in my mind "ah? thought we going out just me and u. sigh. should i tell her i mind? oh no.... well i replied to her that we dont meet today since she is with her friend and also later around 8pm she have a CC meeting so i feel its a bit rush. she keep asking me why and i just keep quiet for while

at last i old her i just wanted to meet her only thats all and say it may sound selfish but thats me.

she is now angry or something like that with me

i dont blame her

i am the one to be blamed.

cos i am amiserable, selfish and a f**ck up person

signing off
fadz

Long Time No blog 090806

2006-08-09T21:37:00.001+08:00

Long Time No Blog 090806
Well it has been a while since I wrote anything here. Well since not many people come visit here, why must I write here often? Ok then. Life so far has been ok for me. Met new people, lost a few people. Nothing outstanding happening though. Work was as usual. Made A lot of mistakes. Trying to remedy my mistakes but it seem impossible. Hope I can stabilize my work attitude and try improve it as much as possible. I really have a lot to learn in my work area. I hope I am trying my best in improving myself there. Thanks to those who have helped me and believed in me. To those toes or feat I have stepped on, I am so sorry.

Coffee?? (130406)

2006-04-13T20:56:00.000+08:00

Coffee?? (130406)
Today after work,I went for coffee with a group of friends. I learnt alot from the session. I dont know why but I feel down but refreshed at the same time. The topics chatted are very different from usual. Some are depressing, some are informative and some are shocking. To me that is. The topics for example are, relationships, marriage, prospects in life, and changes. All of these need to be thought thru thoroughly first. Nothing is simple in life from now onwards. Last but not least, I LOST a friend today. Not LOST as in passed away, but not contacting anymore. I guess you loose some, you win some. But I RARELY win....

Friends ( 030406 )

2006-04-03T21:02:00.000+08:00

Friends ( 030406 )
What are friends for? To have someone to talk to? To have someone to care about? What? I know a lot of people from different parts of Singapore and Malaysia too. We only say hi, bye never talk much. For me I work 5 1/2 days alternate Saturdays. In my office there are only me and 2 gals. The positions of our tables make it inconvenient to chat. So communication is brought down to a minimum. after work i would say bye to them and make my way to the bus stop to go to the MRT while listening to my MP3 player. If that day I do not msg anyone, no one will msg me. Why do I always have to initiate a conversation or a msg. Why cant someone else start the msg or conversation 1st? Well I guess some1 has to start something. "The tree wont move if nothing is shaking or blowing at it" in malay is "Pokok tak bergoyong kalau tak di goncang"

Dream of 120306

2006-03-15T20:05:00.000+08:00

Dream of 120306
Yesterday night I had a very strange dream. A dream that would never happen in real life, I am sure of that. I and my X-gf had a baby together, we were married and living fairly well. I was carrying the baby; I think he was a few months old only. I and my X were crossing the road, there was no vehicle around but we stopped at the middle road divider. I adjust my arm because I think the baby was slipping. While adjusting, the baby cried and said "be careful don't drop me". I was surprise then. Hehehe. Then I was in another scene. It was under 1 of the blocks where I used to play basketball nearby. A few of my RSS friends were sitting there. I approached them. To my surprise I only recognize 1 of them Kim Long. Hehehe. I asked him where the rest is and he said "there! They all playing basketball. Cannot see ah?" When I turned my head to see them, I woke up and heard my alarm clock ring at around 0615am. hehehehehe

Lost 100306

2006-03-12T14:00:00.000+08:00

Lost *100306*
Well I think I really lost it. GoodBye Edwin. Wish you all the best in your life, with Rina and also in your studies. To those of you who are reading this blog, treasure what you have with your friends and your loved ones before its too late and try as best as you can to keep the trust and love between each other. Don't lose it. Once lost its hard and almost impossible to gain back. I learnt it the hard way. I lost something that I took for granted and i truly regret it now. Now I can only hope for the best but this lost will haunt me for the rest of my life........

Loner 080306

2006-03-09T19:38:00.000+08:00

Loner 080306
At least now I know why I don't have many friends. Because I backstab and create company politics. Well that's life I guess. Can this be changed? Hmmmm. I don't think so. I am meant to be a loner. No one to talk to. No one to trust... Well as some people say I deserve it I deserve it loh. I know what I have done to deserve it. I can never change back what I have done wrong. People will say move on Fadzly. Move on? For what? What do I have to look forward to? Who am I doing it for? I only know only HE understands my situation and no one else. So from now on I will be alone and live this life till I die..........

Badminton 280206

2006-02-28T23:20:00.000+08:00

Badminton *280206*
Today I played badminton as usual. Do I have to sigh Everyday? Why cant I just laugh or smile most of the time. I know life has its ups and downs, from what I can see its mostly down. Name me one thing that shows the upside of life is coming...............still waiting. Even playing badminton now doesnt make me feel good. Tomorrow I will be doing OT, my mood will be even worse, especially before and during the receiving. I hate this feeling, I really do. Nothing can cheer me up. Nothing. As u all know my friendship with Edwin has been disolved. i am too tired of try my best to make up for what I have done. There's a malay saying that goes " Nasi Dah Jadi Bubuh". The rice has become porridge. Its an irreversable thing. I have already apologize to him and hope things will be back to normal but not at all. So from now on I will do all I can to avoid him physically at work and try not to communicate with him at all. Since theres no feeling of friendship between us, why should i do all the worrying when the other party doesnt give a shit for what I have done for him. If he still remembers what we did in our Poly Life maybe he will understand. But I doubt so he will. I have known him since poly and helped him then. He usually hangs out with the malay guys. Why? Because the chinese guys dont want him near them at all. huh. Since now he got to start a new with his chinese friends at work, he forget about the may guys liao. Thats life. once u have what u want, you forget about who are the ones who helped you get it. Goodbye Edwin. Hope I dont talk to you or have any contact with you at all. You Ass!

Badminton (210205)

2006-02-21T22:55:00.000+08:00

Today I played badminton with my colleagues as usual. I feel good today when I was playing, better than all the other times. I think today was my best game. The only bad feeling I had was when I was playing with Edwin. When I played with him its like no chemistry, no teamwork like that. That's the only regret I had today. I rather partner with ANYONE else other than him. The feeling I have when I played with him was very negative. Next time please be reminded not to let it happen again. Asking him out would be a no no too. The only time I want to go out with him is lunch that's all. Going back also will be different from now on. Unless the rest are going together than I will follow if not neehh. No Thanks. Tom my OT. Wish Me Luck.....

Disappointment Part 2 (170205)

2006-02-17T22:40:00.000+08:00

Disappointment Part 2 (170205)
Today I was suppose to go Karaoke with a group of friends. But it was canceled last minute. I didn't even know about it until I finish work. The other friend who is suppose to go also didn't know anything. Edwin is the only person who knew, but didn't inform me or Daniel. Until I asked than he told me. Even though than, he like don't want to say like that. Why cant Edwin tell me or Daniel that its canceled? The next time? Will there be a next time?

A Friend 030206

2006-02-05T02:09:00.000+08:00

A Friend 030206
A friendship has been damaged a few days ago. It all began when I did something that I was not supposed to do. On that day I real feel very bad and I needed to tell some1 the problem but I didnt dare to tell the person straight in the face, instead I told some1 else. This person that I have a problem with found out about it. I dont know how he found out about it but I could only guess. After he found out he kept avoiding me and ignoring me for quite some time. I keep asking him why is he acting like so. At last he told me that he found out I talk bad about him behind his back. Now he say he cant trust me anymore. I really didnt expect this outcome. This was the 2nd time. The 1st was a secret that really slipped my tongue. The 2nd time is worse. Well i think i really lost it this time. I dont care if he blame me for what I have done. I deserve it. He say next time just go straight to him if the problem concerns him, dont go to any1 else. Even after he says that i feel he is still avoiding me. I dont know what to do now. So i try to not think too much about it but I have to write here. After i apologize to him, he told me no need to msg him so often. He say dont be a gay like that. Wah. Well. Whatever you want to say it's up to you. Dont care liao. Friends are friends that's all. I have myself to think about. If you want to avoid me its up to you. I dont care liao. Waste my time and mood to think about it. Edwin if you are reading this, i apologize again. If you think I act like a gay than so be it. I dont care. I just want you to know i treasure friendship very dearly. I will do anything morally possible for a friend. I will try to avoid you as much as i can. No use i smile at you and you frown back at me or no expression at all. Friends are friends only. You take care. This time no sigh too. :-)

Karaoke 030206

2006-02-05T02:02:00.000+08:00

Karaoke 030206 Today i went out with friends for Karaoke. I didnt know why i wanted to go, i just feel i need to go. I dont want to go home so early since my previous appointment was canceled. The Karaoke was a last minute thing. I feel bad when i told them i want to go. We only had 1 car to fit 6 person. 2 in front, 4 behind. Behind was very squeezy. If i didnt go, they would be more comfortable. I hope they dont mind. I did enjoy the session some what. Thanks guys. Even if i didnt sing as well as any of them, hope they dont mind. Thanks again. No sigh today.

Out With Friends (300106)

2006-01-31T12:46:00.000+08:00

Out With Friends (300106)
Today I went out with a group of friends. They asked me out for a drink . Alcohol lah. But I dont drink. I feel OK at first but after awhile I feel awkward, as some of them say "you dont drink, gamble or smoke, you come here for what?" and my reply was just for fun loh. Than since i am not gambling with them, some of them ask me to shhh whenever Iget too noisy. Sigh. Was I wrong to go out with them. I think it was a bad idea going out with them just now. but i did learn how they gamble and what type of pubs or clubs are there. There are pros and cons i guess. better luck next time i guess. Sigh. I guess I will rarely write something positive in here.

Dubai 240106

2006-01-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

Dubai 240106
There's a job opening at Dubai. At first I thought of going, but after my boss said that the person must be a jack of all trades, I have second thoughts. If I want to go I must be good in steel, concrete cube and tile tests, maybe more. And the person will go somewhere in June, which is also the month where CPG will be moving to its new location. Too many decisions to make, so little time to make the decision. Someone is encouraging me to go; at least I have 1 supporter. Sigh. From my point of view, the prospects are good, but to master so many things that would take years of hands on practice, huh. A bit impossible. I only worked in CPG for 2 months plus. To go or not to go? That,s the question.

Loneliness 240106

2006-01-25T23:25:00.000+08:00

Loneliness 240106
Today I feel loneliness is my partner for life. I have friends but not close I feel like I lost a lot of people that I hold dear to my heart. Either I have offended them in one way or another or they are too busy. To some loneliness is a blessing after a hard day at work, but not to me. It's a torture. Slowly killing my mood on that day. I feel like I am a nobody. Nobody knows me. Or even know I am around. At my workplace, my most dreaded time is lunch time, as I am one of the few muslims working there, I feel bad when the rest have to find a place that sells halal food so that I can eat with them. Sigh. What do I have to do? This is the only place I can let out what I am feeling, where almost no one comes to visit.

My Life Nowadays (140106)

2006-01-14T21:16:00.000+08:00

This will be my 1st blog for this year.
Happy belated New Year to all those who visited me here.
As most of you dont know, i have begun my new job, as an engineering assistant, at a lab called CPG lab at kallang. This involves mostly computer work tabulating concrete cube results. So far i am liking this job. But i think its getting too routine for me. Now i am trying to learn new things so that i wont get bored easily. my colleuges are great bunch of people. a balance of the ying and the yang, if you not what i mean. still looking for the ONE. Wish me luck guys/gals.

Flight Dream (061005)

2005-10-08T23:23:00.000+08:00

Flight Dream (061005). I had a dream I was going on a flight to australia i think. I only recognise 2 person that were going with me, they were Mr Haniff and boy. The rest i am not sure. On my way to the airport i realize that i forgot to bring my snow shoe. I said Ahh Nvm ah. When i reach there, we were suppose to go to the waiting room. The waiting room was a special 1. Its like a class, a small classroom filled with car seats, with individual seat belts. Once every body is seated, its like the room is on wheels or something, it moved towards the airplane. The seat belts are not on yet. The side was like a roller coaster side. Half way through, the seat belts are worn on automatically. I was surprised. Why ah? Then the room started to move vertically down and up over something. The feeling was great. Just like a rollercoaster. It felt so real. I held on my seatbelt as tight as i can. Ok we reach the place already. We boarded the plane. All smiling. We put on the seatbelts and the plane started to move. For me i have been on a flight before so i know how it felt like to fly, the feeling was the same in my dream. Great! Then i Woke Up.

Disappointment (280905)

2005-09-28T20:05:00.000+08:00

Disappointment (280905)
Today is one of my disappointed days. Why you ask? This is why. I won tickets for an event called Flaunt at club MOMO held by Perfect10 on thursday 290805. I dont have that many friends who go clubbing or these type of events. I asked two group of friends. The first group sounded excited at first but after awhile they decided not to go cause they say they are working the next day. . Sigh. To me its just an excuse. The second asked me when was it when I told him the date he kept quiet and no responce till now. Sigh. I dont think there will be a next time. The second disappointment is my second application for a teaching position has been rejected. Sigh

The Run Dream (230905)

2005-09-26T11:34:00.000+08:00

The Run Dream (230905)
I and my family have this shop selling food in bugis street. It was getting late, so we closed our shop. There were still people around but they were buying from the shop beside us not buying from us. So ok. The came the next scene. It was the next day I think. I was running in a marathon or something. I was with my friends in NS coy, echo coy. One of my officers, Jia Jie, was falling behind. He told me he cant go on. I even put his arm over my shoulder to support him and we walked all the way to the finish line. The route was through a town. Many brick walls and pavements. Once we reach the turning point there was a stage where we need to sign something or what. Then we saw a train, like the 1 at the zoo, full of foreigners. They were staring at us. On the form I cant see anything clearly, Jia Jie was fine by then. Thats the end and I woke up. Weird dream huh? Dont know what it means. But I like this dream

My Dream Again

2005-09-16T21:53:00.000+08:00

Friday 160905
I had a dream a few nights ago. I was in a cinema, my RSS friends and I were suppose to watch The Maid, but I think it was not showing The Maid. It was showing a fat guy slidding down a slope on his tummy. Then everybody started to laugh. A girl was sitting on my left. She asked me do I live her. And I said not yet. Huh? What does that mean. I simply dont understand what the dream meant. The girl who asked me the question was non other than ......Maggie Lye. Strange. I thought i had forgotten about her, but I think deep inside my memory she's still there, haunting me. She cant do it in reality so she does it in my fantasy. Most nights I dont dream, but when i dodream, the are strange once.

My Dream 240705

2005-09-16T21:39:00.000+08:00

Sunday 240705

I had a dream. I dreamt I was a teacher, teaching ice age or something. The students were talking while I was teaching. I cant take it any longer so I shouted at them and started to throw the table and chair nearest to me. Then there was silence. After that Mr Bala, my RSS principal, was there to give me his contact number or something with 3 booklets. Then I calmed down and decided to explain to the students that I was new and decided to get to know them more first. After another scene, one of my collegues asks me do I know how to fill up the gameboy form. ha?

120405 Life Again

2005-06-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

120405 Life Again

How does 1 buck up after all that has happened to him. he has to work everyday of the month from 8am to 9pm. with no off, what type of life is this. he doesn't get to mingle around with people that much. only with his customers at the pool's canteen. which is not that many during weekdays. only weekends he gets to interact with many customers, who are either older or younger than he is. Ya its true he gets to see half naked gals, but what fun is that. some people ask him what is he doing working in a place like this? not intending to further studies or work else where? well all he has to say is he's applyiny to be a teacher, results in june this year. one of his friends ask him to buck up. she was not the only person who told him that. its not that he feels so down or depressed its just that when he has free time he will write all these down to pass the time, to express himself as he doesnt have anyone to express himself to now. there are people who are willing to listen but he doesnt feel comfortable with them. why? is he too tired of his job? what has happened to him? sigh

Sunday Again 030405

2005-04-09T22:16:00.000+08:00

Sunday Again 030405
Well see the date, Nice number huh? Well another working sunday. What to do? Family business. And since I have nothing to do, I have to do this. Even though I dont like it I have to do it. Earning money is good but I think sales is not my interest. I think. I not sure what is my interest. Teaching? Engineering? What? How to find your own interest? And also when will I ever write something happy or positive here. Sigh.-

Meet? 250305

2005-04-09T21:59:00.000+08:00

Meet? 250305
Today was suppose to meet X. But X did not turn up. Its very hard to trust someone. X said to meet around afternoon. I didn't get X's contact number. Sigh. Or is it X saw me then decided not to meet? Or is it X forgot? Or is it X is shy? What?! Hate it when someone lie to me! No more will it happen again. I will make sure of it.

010405
Found out X did forget. X say X went to visit X's aunty sick at hospital maybe not long to live. Is it an excuse? Not sure. Cant blame X cause I dont know X is lying or not. X also say X is busy with assignment and projects. Even when I send X an email X doesnt reply. X say my mail no need to be replied one. Well now I know. What should I do now? Should I carry on or should I forget about X? Sigh

ThEm (290305)

2005-03-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

ThEm (290305)
Today was just one of those normal days, when suddenly i received a SMS, "you have won a pair of tickets to see beauty shop". WAHHH. i tried contacting my friends to go see it with me. Most were busy or just dont bother. One did and we went to see the show. It is a good show, funny, full of meaning and guidance. After the show we walked and chatted for a while, that was good too. Enjoyed walking along orchard road and chatting with someone. But after a while saw a group of familiar looking people. They were WEELLY, BELINDA, JERRY, CHNAN HAUR AND her. Wah an outing. LasT MinutE? Excuses! Singapore is so small. You get to see all the people u know or those who you dont want to meet. Fate made me see them again. why? whats the reason? why didnt they ask me along? last minute?? excuses!! a good show spoilt by an unwanted scene!! The End..... Sigh

Why Me (160305)

2005-03-22T21:40:00.001+08:00

Why Me? I know I have done alot of bad things in my life. Whats happening to me? I have no idea what I am now. I feel so dirty, so bad, down. Will my life be like this always? Why dont I want to change it? feeling sick, down, unwanted, why? Sigh. Is it true when you lose you gain and when u gain you lose? Do i really need love? Or am I better off alone?

Ahh Sian (130305)

2005-03-22T21:32:00.000+08:00

Sunday and I work. What a life man, work 7 days a week. Only when I got something on then can take off. But cannot take on weekends. Sigh I hate it. I dont know why but I feel down about it. I dont know my application is approved or not. Why did I choose teaching anyway? Money? Passion? What? I dont like it when i have free time. I think or worry too much. Sigh. Body improving. Face getting worse.Why pimples why? Sigh.

Sianness (120205)

2005-02-12T22:23:00.000+08:00

Sianness (120205)
Well today is one of those sian days. Even though its a saturday, I have to work. What a life man. Friends ask me out today. Dont know I should go or not. They invited me leh. Would it make a difference if I go or dont go. We'll see. If by the time I make the decision to go or not to go everything goes smoothly, then maybe I will go. It may be fun, it may be boring, it may be a lot of things. Well hope things go well. Sigh.

Dream (100205)

2005-02-10T11:56:00.000+08:00

Dream (100205)
Last night I had a dream. I dont know what it means. I went to India's capitol. The place looks like Suntec City and Orchard mix. To my surprise I saw HER going up the escalator. SHE was talking to someone. I tried to avoid HER, but SHE saw me. Iwalked away from HER but we ended up meeting each other some where. I think SHE said something. Don't know what. Why am I dreaming of HER? Can anyone tell me why? During the day I didn't even think of HER but the night I dreamt of HER. Sigh

Clementi Swim Pool Canteen Work EXP

2005-02-09T22:37:00.000+08:00

Clementi Swim Pool Canteen Work EXP 060205
It's been a while since a I updated my blog. So here I go. Ever since I started work at the canteen in the swim pool, I have been really busy. I wake up at 7am to go there, and reach home by 915pm. A bit too long the working hours. I am finding it a bit tiring. Luuckily I have the magnetic bedpad that makes me feel rejuvenated when I wake up every morning. I work everyday. Tiring and sian at the same time. A bit boring sometimes. What a life man. I try to keep myself occupied as long as I can. The view here is good sometimes, if you know what I mean. ;) Anyone reading this please a comment or anythin. So that I know people do visit my site. Thanks alot all.

Friendship?

2005-01-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

Friendship? (020105)
What I look for in a for in a friendship is sincerity, friendliness, companionship. Someone that you can share everything and anything. Maybe humourous is good. Looks average more than enough. Why only I contact my friends to ask them out. Most of my friends dont or rarely ask me out. Is it because they dont want to disturb me or too lazy to ask me out. Have I made a bad impression of myself. That noone likes me to even call and talk on the phone with me. Must I always take the initiative to call them and ask them hi, how are you, what's up? Why do I have these type of feelings? I wish I could feel like when I was a year ago. Sigh

Feeling again (161204)

2004-12-22T22:37:00.000+08:00

Feeling Again (161204)
Today again the same old feeling come again. I dont like this feeling but it comes whenver I have nothing to do. Halidya getting engaged. Those people I know are going. How I wish I could go but I dont want to meet her. I will be reminded of her again. I dont want that to happen. Its feels like I will never get over her. Its been a year since we broke up. Must I find someone else to replace her then I will forget this feeling I have for her? Sigh.

Going out

2004-12-22T22:05:00.000+08:00

Going Out (131204)
Today again I go out by myself. What a sad life I am having. Is this because of all the things I have done and still doing? I dont feel good. I dont think I will ever have the good feeling that I loast a long time ago. The only thing I can do is try to find back that feeling. But how? Its lost. Gone forever. Even the way to finding it has disappeared. Its too difficult to find it back. I have gone way off course. Sigh. Must someone help me find back the way? Or must I find it myself? How can I answer all this questions? This is what I think when I have nothing to do. I have to keep myself occupied. Then I wont do all this. I just hate life. I cant find the purpose in it. No one understands me. No one knows me well enough to judge me. I only have my parents and grandparents in this life. Even though they are all I have, they dont know me that well. Friends. Whats the defination of friendship? Can anyone answer this lonely soul? Is there anyone out there to read this article of mine> Whatever advice anyone give, it will never be good enough? I can try to council people but who can council me? Professionals? Experts? Doctors? No one. Sigh.

Apology

2004-12-04T00:59:00.000+08:00

Apology
I wrote her an apology sms and email. She received it. Yes. But she hasn't replied back saying ok she forhive me or whatever. Is she too busy to reply? Time can be managed. Or she is still angry with me? Or to thrifty to reply my sms. So does that mean she did not forgive me? Why is she doing this? Or is it she doesn't know how to reply the sms? What's so difficult? It is not I want her back or anything, its just I am trying to keep in touch with a friend thats all. She doesnt want to keep in touch fine. So be it. From now on I WONT CONTACT HER ANYMORE! PERIOD!

Same Low Feeling

2004-11-29T22:37:00.000+08:00

Same low feeling
Well now I am feeling the same low feeling that I haven't had in weeks. This low feeling I think was triggered by the responsibilities given by my uncle. I feel like I have to tell him that I cant do it. I lack the self motivation and self confidence to do all of it. I feel like I am doing it all by myself. He keeps pushing all the flyers and brochures to me. I was actually shocked when he pass me all that. Should I tell him that I cant do all that by myself? Tell him that I can only do the layout thing and maybe the coffee thing only? I will try to come out with a solution by tonight. Tomorrow morning I will come out if an answer. I hope. Sigh

Song

2004-11-29T00:51:00.000+08:00

Song Playing Now ( Forever by Damage )
I don't know why I choose this song to play in my site. I had a hard time locating this song. Took me 1 week to look for it find a host for it sigh. I think only a few or 1 person know why I chose this song. It was a song which belong to my first ever relationship. That relationship is over. People might say why this guy still haven't gotten of it yet. I think I have gotten over it. I like to be reminded of the past. The past has been part of my life. I can never forget about it. All I can do is learn from it. I also know that the girl who knew me then will not see this. If she does she would have contacted me. The probability of she seeing this is 1 in a billion. That's what I think. She herself doesn't have an internet connection at home. So she wont check her email or other sites that often and I think she doesn't even know this site exist. The words in this song has meaning to me. If you listen closely you will know what I mean. Thats all. Sigh.

Canteen in Swimming pool

2004-11-26T22:01:00.000+08:00

From Now onwards I will be embarking on next step in my life. My uncle has tendered for a canteen in a swimming pool. He just gave me the green light, which means is ours. He wants me to help him set up the floor plan layout of the place, the stuff to sell and some other stuff. Today went on a survey trip on existing minimarts in petrol stations to see what I can have and what he wants for the canteen. I hope I can live up to his expectations. I will maybe try my best. This is something new to me so I am a bit not sure of what to do but I roughly know what is need to be done. He gave me a budget to work on and I will try to follow it as closely as possible.I was wondering whether anyone can help me. I was wondering what u guys expect from a canteen in a swimming pool. What type of food you guys want to see, tidbits, snacks anything just say out.thanks for you help

Choices (161104)

2004-11-23T18:58:00.000+08:00

Choices (161104)
As usual I am on my bed now doing nothing. As usual. What a life man. The choices you make show what you are going to be in the future. I dont know what I will be but I will be one lonely soul. Choices I made may not be the right ones but I still choose them. Some choices are good, some are bad. Mostly are bad. Hate it when the choices are bad. Or when I get not much choices and the only available choice is a bad one. Are choices made irreversible? I wish some were. Even if the choices made are reversed, are they going to be better? Well I will never know until I try to reverse it. Sigh.

Chalet 19Nov-21Nov (221004)

2004-11-23T09:34:00.000+08:00

Chalet 19Nov-21Nov (221004)
I want to go for the chalet but something in me is telling me why should I go, my EX is going to be there. My old friends going to be there. I just got this feeling that I am not going to enjoy myself if I go. At least if I go for the chalet I would be able to relax myself at the beach or chalet and not be in my monotonous life now. But why am I having this bad feeling. I dont like it. But if I dont go, she will surely nag at me to go. I dont know what reason would I tell her if I dont want to go. Alot people would be disappointed. IS IT? To go or not to go. Thats the question. Would I come up with an answer or an excuse? Only Time will tell.

Devils BAr (120904)

2004-11-23T09:29:00.000+08:00

Devils BAr (120904)
Today is the first time I go clubbing I never sweat alot. $20/-. Thats life. Should I say its a waste.But I met a lot of friends. Tian Rong, Thong Wee, Hui Yee, Karen, Chnan Haur and my 19th batch recruit. Such a small world. Sigh. Devils Bar the song mostly techno, little R&B. Some Rock. A mixture.

From My PC (260604)

2004-11-23T09:28:00.000+08:00

From My PC (260604)
Hey bro, its alright man. I've regarded you as one of my close friends. Always sparing a thought for me and all. Remember those days in camp? Sad that I am leaving too. We shall keep in touch. Just message me if you are lonely. man bro..... Take care. Have fun in echo. Your time will come soon. So join me ya.

Feel Different (020504)

2004-11-23T09:10:00.000+08:00

Feel Different (020504)
Today I feel different. I feel a bit 'bo chap'. I dont know why. When they asked me to play soccer just now I rejected them. Why ah? I usually say yes. I gave the excuse that I was tired. But was I really tired? And I think I am trying to avoid him. Why? I dont know. I dont thin he realize it. Most probably he dont care one. What he only thinks of is his friends outside camp, his GF and his ORD date. Thats all he thinks. Sigh. What a waste. Sigh. Am I wrong to think this? Are there other thoughts in his mind other than those i have mentioned. I hope I was wrong.

To My PC (260604)

2004-11-23T09:09:00.000+08:00

To My PC (260604)
To my ex PC. I had a good time working with you. Thanks for everything. Even if I dont show it but I really cant bear to see you leave. But thats in the past. Take care and all the best in your future endeavous. If you still want to keep in touch thats good. If not never mind. enjoy!

Friend? (280404)

2004-11-23T09:02:00.000+08:00

Friend? (280404)
The other day he say I am a very good friend. I thought that this type of friendship means you do alot of things together. I dont feel the bong yet maybe. I dont feel that appreciated. Is this a tru feeling or what? Sigh. I think i have done alot of things for him but so far I think I never get anything in return. That day I have given him his present I think I didnt receive a thank you. Maybe I didnt hear or missed it. Sigh. Thats life. Sometimes when you make people happy, you yourself dont feel the joy. I know life has to go on but I still think of the past. Isthere a silver lining to this dark cloud above me? Sigh.

Low Feeling (280404)

2004-11-23T08:36:00.000+08:00

Low Feeling (280404)
Today I am feeling the same low feelong again. I hate this feeling. Makes my mood low everything low. Sigh. I feel sleepy so I sleep more. Now I am a bit fresh than just now after some coffee and wash up of my face. Sigh. I only feel a bit better.

Apology (270404)

2004-11-23T08:22:00.000+08:00

Apology (270404)
Yesterday I apologize to him for hurting his feeling. We talked bad behind his back but he heard it. I had a bad feeling about it after that. I realised I had to do something. I dont want to lose a friend. I think. Luckily it was settled. I think. But things will never be the same again. To me he is one of my best friends, but I dont think he regard me as one. I just wish we were best friends. But what do best friends do? Do they do things together? Do best friends share everything together? He once said I am a good friend of his. He said that I am always concerned about him maybe others. He also said I treasure friendship alot. If what he say is true then I am really underestimating myself. Sigh. If people can think so good about me why cant I? Am I really that good? Did I 'wayang' so good that I myself dont really know. Sigh.

Him (230404)

2004-11-22T18:11:00.000+08:00

Him (230404)
There's something unique about him. I dont know what it is. Is it his name? Is it his smile? Is it his body? Is it his personality? Is it his family? What? I feel I will know him for a very long time. I dont mind doing anything for him, why is that? Am I attracted to him as a friend or brother or what? I will really miss him when he leave Echo. Sigh.

20th Obese Batch 230404

2004-11-22T18:01:00.000+08:00

20th Obese Batch 230404
Now marks the start of my new batch eventhough I have passed 2 days of enlistment. I dont know what I am feeling now. Its like tired, sian, boring, muscle-aching and also a bit anxious.Sigh

Friends Yesterday (220404)

2004-11-22T17:55:00.000+08:00

Friends Yesterday (220404)
Sometimes I just hate my life. Those friends thats I know for sometime already will be embarking on their own journey soon. I wont get to see them again or maybe even never. I have been experiencing this since I started my poly life after my secondary school life. All the things we did together, the things we shared together all will be memories soon. Sigh.

HER (140404)

2004-11-22T17:42:00.000+08:00

HER (140404)
Today is the day when I realise one thing. I think I miss her. When my friends around me talk about their girlfriend, I feel a pinch. When I go out, in an MRT, saw couples together some mix couples I also feel a pinch. Why? I want to forget about her but I cant. Why? Is it true I am destined to be with her and no one else? I dont like this feeling. This sad or regret feeling. I hate this feeling. Sigh. Sadness make me feel so down like I want to cry but I cant.Sigh. M****E **E. Do I need her? Whats wrong with me? Do I need help? How do I forget her? Who do I go to? What must I do? Sigh.

Field Camp (250204)

2004-11-22T17:33:00.000+08:00

Field Camp (250204)
Today is the second field camp of this batch. Second day of the field camp. Huh. Sigh. What a life man. The beginning of the day was just normal, but when it came to the practise session, it was something new. After some practise, the platoon had a mini sing and dance session. The songs they sang and dancing was somehthing I didnt expect. After that a mini photo taking session. When they sang the songs and dance, emotions came running through me. I dont knowwhy. The photo session was another thing. It made me think of my past. I dont know why.

New BF (200204)

2004-11-22T17:22:00.000+08:00

New BF (200204)
Today she told me she has a new boyfriend. I was somehow not shocked. I dont know why. Is it because I have no feeling for her already? Cannot be . Wish her all the best. Good luck. Feeling low as usual. As my favourite quote goes." Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before"

Just Another Day In My life

2004-11-19T17:26:00.000+08:00

well allo all, which is only me myself and i.

well today is a friday, just a normal day, woke up late because i slept 'early'. life alone has its ups and downs. below i will write down what i have written in the past years in my diary.

Guards(during my roving days)
Life here oklah. Just need to get use to it. Accommandation worst than PLC. Have to get use to it. Food better than Teking. Specialist Mess Sucks. Will really treasure BMTC when i return to Tekong.

Life
Life is a blank, a day in the army makes my mood dive deeper than the deepest ocean. What a day,what a life. Why? Why? What have I done to deserve this? Or what have I not done that made me go through all this. Life is unfair to me and all the people in the world. To be loved is the only thing that perks my day. To love someone also makes me feel the same way. To be seperated for a long period of time is what I am encountering now. as from 13 Sept 2003, the temporary seperation begin. Life?

Friends
Friends. Everyone has friends. But how close can you get with your friends? Will they always be there for you? How many close friends can you have? How come they never ask me out? How come everytime I go out, it's either with her or alone? How come I never as my friends out? I can't even decide where to go? Alone without friends or is it better with friends? Does being mean loneliness? Why when I am out of camp I am alone??

Change
How come I have changed since last time? I dont even know when. I think last time I was better. The only thing that I can do now is hope that I will change for the better not for the worst. Eventhough what I am today people might say goog, I am still not satisfied with myself. Why is that so? Everytime when I am free I will do this, write to myself. What will it do to me? Will anyone get to read this?

Saturday and Sunday
Nowadays life has not been the same. Why is it so? Only I know why it's not the same anymore. I have been going out less often. But I have more time to myself. That's why I have time to type this blog. At the same time I feel bored too. That's life. To have freedom for yourself also means to gain loneliness at the same time. That's life. You will have more time to think about what you have done, the good things and the bad things. That is life.

Alone
Today i went out alone as usual. Same thing I did every saturday And sunday. Hope that this doesn't goon that often. I want to go out but do not know where to go. People invite me out but I never go. Two person asked me. Haslesa and Maggie. Why didn't go out with any of them? Am I shy or lazy or what? If only I know why. Only HE knows why. Why is it I cant stay home and stay there and rest. I should exercise more too. That's what I should do. Exercise Iwill.

Boredom
Ahhh! I am so bored. Nothing to do and tomorrow I start fasting. How will it feel like? Tomorrow also I am on COS duty. What luck do I have...? How I wish I don't have to feel this way always. Why must I feel this way? Sian. Tired. Nothing to do. Want to sleep but cannot. Maybe got meeting later. Should I go back company line? Should I stay here and rot? What should I do? I like the freedom I have but I don't know why, I am not too happy about it. Is It because I am alone???

Guards BMT
Today is the second day of BMT. I have met the new recruits. So far they are ok except 1 or 2 got problem. I have yet to interview my section's new guys. I hope to do it as soon as I can. My mood nowadays is 1 thing that I am not sure about. What I am feeling now? Is it scared, sad, happy, anxious or what? Can I do what I plan to do when I come here? Which is to keep fit and also to gain experience. I hope so. I still think of her. I am still like before.

Boredom x 10 power 99
Boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring. Sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick. Sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian. Tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired.This is how I am feeling now. Why why why why why why why why? Have I done anything wrong? Or is there something I am suppose to do and I have not done it yet? Guard duty. Instructor Prowl.

Sleep
Now I am in bed but I cant go to sleep. Why every night I feel like this. I cant sleep well. I keep thinking of my life, my parents and my 'friend'. These thoughts make me feel anxious. Difficult to sleep. why? Only HE knows.

Guard Duty
Today I am doing guard duty which is not suppose tobe medoing it. I already change with the one I did on the 19th december 03. They cant find others so I have to make do. Sian ah. I really need a holiday break. I need to rest my mentallity. If everyday I feel like this, how can I hope to achieve what I want. Holiday? Go where? With who should I go? Will anyone want to go with me? Are these questions meant to be answered? By who? Answer pls?

New Year Eve 03
It's nearly new year eve. I am still feeling very low. I want to go sentosa or expo of anywhere fun. But it seems to me that no one I know wants to go. What a sad life I am leading. What I want, I cant get. What I dont wnat to have I got it. Sigh. What a life. Only a miracle now can brighten my day. Sigh. Sian ahhh. I have asked everyone. All their answers are discouraging. Sigh. I wish something good happen to me soon. The sooner the better. Should I go myself?????

Nothing New

2004-11-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

allo to myself again

well since i dont have anything to donow might as well write to myself again as usual.
people may say, why this guy always write to himself 1? got nothing bettet to do is it?
well actually ya thats why i do all this. previosly i never do like this1. i dont know why
now ever since IT happened i got all the time in the world to do this and lots more things.
but i usually do all this things ALONE. Watch movie ALONE. go shopping ALONE. even go walk walk in town ALONE. wah looks like i am going to be or already am a LONER. congrats man. you are the winner of this lovely and magnificient LONELY life. woooow!

A Day in My Life

2004-11-16T14:13:00.000+08:00

well here i am again, writing to myself as usual. it's 1:18pm now. so here i am again. same old same old. nothing new actually. just that today i was reminded of her again. what i found out was the guy with her is a friend of my long lost friend. i wont say the details cos she might know. well if she is reading this, 99% she would not even care, up to her.

this is such a small world. anyone that i know may know some1 else that may know me in directly. if you dont understand go and study yourself. is this all done for the sins that i have done in my 22 years of living. why must i go through all this. part of me is trying my best to forget her, but part of me wants her to be back by my side, loving her again and show her that we are meant to be together."You Will Be My Second And Last".

i think only i and her know this phrase that i told her when we first met 5 years ago. even though all that was said when we were young and immature, secondary life, now it means a lot to me. i this she has forgotten all about it. i will never forget her even if i die or found another girl, which ever come 1st. she would have told me," you will get over it, get out of the shell, find some1 else, we still can be friends, she say it hurts to leave me, bla bla bla bla".

but why didnt she say anything about getting back together. when i gave her the present, i was told she cried alot. then she never contact me to tell me all this. i also wrote her a letter telling her to not stay in touch anymore, and she did as told by the letter. she really wants me out and only stay as friend. which i think its impossible. how can a relationship which lasted for 5 years end without a concrete reason and expect the two persons to be friends.

to me thats impossible. only she believes in this. is she for real. or is she hiding something from me. now that she is in another relationship, she most probably not borther about all this that i have said. Friends? huh! what a joke. she even asked me to go for a gathering. why must i go. i know that she will be there and most probably her new BF too. wont she think i would be jealous when i see them together. i know for sure i will be jealous. she keep saying take care take care. what does that all mean?

2004-11-10T21:13:00.000+08:00

Somemore Hari Raya Delicacies

Just Blog Lah

2004-11-09T02:06:00.000+08:00

well just wanted to right down something that maybe no 1 will see thats for sure. well then i will write to me, myself and i. thats life i guess. when you are alone, with not many friends and lost some1 you care too much about, you will do this kind of thing. people keep telling you must get out of the shell, get on with life, dont think about it so much. sigh. it's easier said than done. talking about the shell, singapore is the shell. so does that mean i must get out of singapore? sometimes i just hate my life. i think this is all the punishment that i get for doing the things that i am not suppose to do and not doing what i am suppose to do. sigh. ever since the THING happened i did a lot of thinking. how am i going to survive after what has happened? i need to relearn what to do to get IT back. should i get into IT again? or should i just wait and see what happens next? i hate this feeling i have inside me. it makes me think too much, made me moody, unhappy, tired, sometimes restless. i think thats all i feel like writing for now. i will continue some other time. ANY COMMENTS PLS SAY IT?

2004-11-06T19:47:00.000+08:00

More Hari Raya Delicacies

2004-11-06T19:46:00.000+08:00

Also My Hari Raya Delicacies

2004-11-06T19:45:00.000+08:00

My Hari Raya Delicacies

Just Another Entry

2004-10-31T22:55:00.000+08:00

Well just dropping by to see if anyone comes my site. i think there are people who visited my site but they just come and see for a while without leaving a note or anything. sad but true. is it because they dont see the chatter box on the left side of the page and need to scroll down? hope to get a reply soon. any1 any comment pls drop a niote ot anything i dont mind critics.

My BioGrAPhy

2004-10-16T23:49:00.000+08:00

My Hobbies: Sports(Badminton, Soccer, TableTennis, Basketball)
Fantasy Books(Terry Brooks, Robert Jordan)

BirthDay: 28th May 1982

Expertise: Microsoft Stuff, Mostly IT but not that expert yet

My Contacts

2004-09-06T01:33:00.000+08:00

Here are my contacts:
Email: fadzman@yahoo.com , fadzman@hotmail.com
MSN: fadzman@hotmail.com
ICQ: 84421677
Website:http://fadzman.blogspot.com , http://fadzman.multiply.com